Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize