Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
