and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You made out with two different species that night
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
