I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
