we have pet lesbian snakes
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
