when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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