In America we eat man semen.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize