I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
then he tried to convert me to islam
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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