Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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