Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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