she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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