was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
