I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He kissed a someone with a penis
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
