I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
