When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
