I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
