he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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