Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
