he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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