when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
