It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize