I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
