Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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