my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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