Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the day after is always just damage control
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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