I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
