If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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