i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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