Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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