How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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