Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
