Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
