You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
4 words: hood of his car
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize