I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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