good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
