So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize