john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
