Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
