I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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