Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
