you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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