I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My breasts were aching with rage.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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