If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Buhtt sex?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
