Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
