Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need to align my fucking chakras
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