how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
