He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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