i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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