i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
