grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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