some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
