Only a mothe r could love this liver
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
