1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
