Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
