I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
