Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
