I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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