I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
