BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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