He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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