During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
