And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
