WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
