I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We left the knife in your bed.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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