You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
