Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
