Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
