He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
