I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
