Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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