we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
