YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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