It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
