Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
