It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
