Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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