The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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