I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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