I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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