I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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