she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize