Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
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