I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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