Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
