does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
