somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
