So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
