I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
