First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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