Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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