loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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