If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize