Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
