OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
