508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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