I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
