Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize