Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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