I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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