you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
