I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
