When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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