I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
did i just pee glitter
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