I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
