you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
