If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
