Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
