he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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