Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize