just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
