Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im about as happy as oj after his trial
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
